Until the Real Thing Comes Along by Elizabeth Berg

Author:Elizabeth Berg [Berg, Elizabeth]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-76342-6
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2011-01-11T16:00:00+00:00

12

On Friday the third, I wake up at 6:57. Then I head for the bathroom. There is a chair in the way. Right. I move it, wash my hands and face, look at my watch. Ethan needs to get here. I have to go.

It’s going to be positive, I know it is. I get my favorite test out of the medicine chest, bring it into the kitchen. Then back to the bathroom. Then back to the kitchen. I’ll read the instructions—again—while I wait for Ethan.

After I’ve read the instructions twice more, I start a pot of coffee. Ethan will like that.

Seven-fifteen. What is the matter with him? What kind of a father is he?

But there, there is a knock at the door. I yank it open and Ethan says, “You didn’t do it yet, did you? I’m late.”

“I know.”

“I couldn’t help it, there was an accident.”

Oh, God. A bad omen.

“Nobody got hurt.”

A good omen.

“Want some coffee?” I ask.

“You can’t drink coffee. Didn’t I tell you?”

“I didn’t—it’s for you.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

He fills a cup, and I take the pregnancy test off the kitchen table. “Okay, so … I’ll be right back.”

“Wait, do you know what to do?”

“Yes, Ethan, it’s not that difficult.”

“But … should I come with you?”

“No, I think this part I can handle unsupported.”

“Okay.” He sits at the kitchen table. He’s a nervous wreck.

“Ethan?”

He stands up. “Yeah?”

“Take your coat off. Sit down. Relax.”

“Okay.” He does none of these.

I go into the bathroom, read the instructions again, sit on the toilet. All I have to do is aim, hold the stick in the “flow” for two seconds. But what if I miss? You can also catch some pee in a cup. Maybe that’s safer. That’s what I’ll do.

I go back into the kitchen. Ethan, who has managed at least to sit down, stands back up. “Are we?”

“What?”

“Are we pregnant?”

“Ethan, I just want to say one thing, okay? I hate that ‘we are pregnant’ stuff. I’m the one that will be pregnant. Just me, okay? You don’t have a uterus. So let’s just get that clear right off the bat.”

“But are we? You?”

“I didn’t do the test.”

“Why not?”

“Well, I’m going to, but I thought maybe I’d use a cup, you know, instead of aiming. Because what if I miss?”

“That’s a good idea. Then you just dip it in.”

“I know that, Ethan.” I open the cupboard, survey the cups to see which one I should sacrifice. I need to hurry up and decide—I really do have to pee. I pull out a pink cup with a flower on it. But my mother gave me that one. I put it back, pull out my Dunkin’ Donuts cup. But it’s just the right size.

“Patty?”

“What?”

“Don’t you have any paper cups?”

“No.”

“There’s good planning.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to use a cup! I just now decided to, at the spur of the moment.”

“But you don’t want to … ruin a cup, do you?”

“What else should I do? I need to catch it in something! What do you suggest?”

“Boy,

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